Monday, April 23, 2012
I'm starting to think that some sort of, like, restrictions need to be put on people speaking in public. I'm not talking about speaking in public at rallies, or through graffiti, or whatnot. I'm talking about people who sit next to me in public places shouldn't be free to speak out loud about whatever's on their minds. Women with gloriously talented musical children who perform live (and for free, mind you) in grocery stores and restaurants are given annoyed looks from people without children (who are obviously without children because they are unattractive and probably say stupid things in public and are therefore unfuckable), yet we're supposed to be tolerant of the unbearable bullshit that people around us choose to espouse. Like when my daughter and I were having lunch the other day, one bitch to our left was talking about her stripper job loud enough for my toddler to hear and the bitch to our right was talking to her boyfriend about: "I've decided I'm gonna do it; I'm gonna legally change my name. I've been Jessica for too long. I want a more interesting name. I haven't decided what I'm gonna change it to yet, though." Now, if I weren't in Vegas and she weren't talking in a painstakingly practiced Kardashianesque voice and it weren't obvious that a new name was code for breast implants, then the fact that she has been Jessica for too long might have sounded intriguing to me. But she wasn't intriguing at all and I don't think that changing her name to Mijxisndnnn or some other fucking smattering of letters that people like to put together and pretend is cool isn't gonna fix that. Her boyfriend asked no relevant questions or made any worthwhile statements about her decision. Meanwhile my daughter and I are sitting between the stripper and the girl soon-to-be-formerly-known-as-Jessica saying our ABCs. And I've started wondering if societies should start to, like, test people when they graduate high school and college to determine if they are intelligent enough or interesting enough to speak out loud in public (but I guess that would leave teenagers as the only ones totally free to talk, which is no good at all, but I'm still just brainstorming here; I will work out this kink when my plan actually goes into the development phase; feel free to add your own two cents - I guess maybe there should be a test every year starting from age... twelve? maybe; thirteen? I guess that would also mean there'd have to be some sort of class teaching conversationalist skills and stuff - you know, as a primer for the test - that could be cool). And then there should be a law enforcement agency (not very much dissimilar to the Thought Police) devoted solely to shutting up those who do not pass the speak/don't-fucking-speak test. I don't know the punishments yet either (there'd have to be a wide range of em with differing levels of severity) but this post was started simply as a quick frantic record of this wide-scale censoring idea I came up with. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think I am really on to something here.